Monday, September 24, 2012

Open and Close

So, lately, Cameron has this thing with opening and shutting doors,cabinets,drawers, toys,whatever he can get his hands on. He has now figured out how to unlock the front door, including deadbolt and locks. Earlier this week, I was changing a diaper on the baby in the living room and Cameron decided it would be a good time to go explore the neighborhood I am guessing. He bolted and all I kept thinking about was him getting hit by a car.

We live on a busy street, much busier than a normal residential street should be. It is so busy, In fact, that I was backing out of my own driveway after looking both ways and being cautious and STILL got in a car wreck. Yea, not fun.... legally my fault, but the other person's speed could have been a huge reason why his car got so messed up. My bumper got bent in a little and my tail light broken. His car lost the mirror on the passenger side and had huge gashes from the hood to the trunk.I was stationary during the impact. I had already pulled out and just put the car in drive and honestly can say I never saw him.... I saw a white car approaching, not 2 white cars... sigh... again... my fault. No one was hurt, which I am thankful for, especially since Cameron was in my car and I was trying to take him to school when it happened.  It is just one of the reasons why I would like to get our house on the market and sold.
This all happened before he decide dto bolt out of the front door, so I had some serious fear going on since even I as an adult cant seem to be safe in front of my own house. I ran after him and felt a panic come over me, yet, I was calm and swift at the same time. As I approached, I realized he had stopped to turn the handle on the garage door. He did not make it to the street this time. He was not happy about being carried back into the house, but I was oh so happy that things didn't turn out worse.

I bought some flip latches months ago, but have yet to tackle my husband into doing them on the honey do list. I found these latches that go way high on the door frame out of a child's reach after I realized that the plastic door knob covers wouldn't cut it. This kid is dangerously smart... like figuring out how to stand on different toys to reach the light switch in his bedroom...Or rolling the foot stool over from across the room so he can open and shut the washer door, or reach the cookies from the countertop.
I got tired of waiting on my husband, so I decided that it was too important to wait even another minute.I put my foot down and demanded that he put them on, and he did this weekend finally. This has been a reoccurring pattern in in the household lately. My husband has been coming home well after the kids are supposed to be in bed, and leaving around 8 am. He is working so hard at his job to provide, but as a stay at home mom, it puts all of the burden of raising the kids on my shoulders. That includes therapies,and diffusing the meltdowns while cooking,cleaning and laundry. Doesn't sound too bad until you are in the thick of it. My husband is studying for a big test he has to take soon, so most of his time home, he is still in "work" mode. I think we both need a break from life, kids, work, the household junk... I suppose the only way we can get one is by making our own trips to a padded room in a straight jacket though!

After a particularly stressful day, I finally had enough. Cameron had been crying kicking, slamming doors, pulling his brother down,  and melting down from 2:30 till my husband got home at 6:30. It was BY FAR the earliest he had been home in 2 weeks. He even worked till 10 o clock pm the day of our 7th wedding anniversary. We have been so strapped for cash, we didn't even get an anniversary card for each other. I had it. The baby was crying because Cam was slamming his bedroom door shut. The baby was trying to nap. I was out of ideas on trying to get Cameron to stop screaming and slamming things, and kicking.  I think I had done a little crying myself. My husband came in the door, I handed him the baby, I grabbed my keys and wallet and without saying a word, I left. I left my phone. I got in my rental car, which, incidentally, my husband had no clue what I.had been driving the past few days.    I wanted to get as far away from kids, and those 4 walls of my home. So, I did. I could have found something more constructive to do, or at least taken my phone, but I didn't. I came home about2 1/2 hours later, and felt like a jerk for leaving my husband with that mess. I thought at the time... finally, he can see what i deal with for once. When I got home, I found out that Cam stopped crying about 5 minutes after I left. His crying stopped as abruptly as it started. Figures. My husband works hard for the family too, it is just not the same as I do. I had to take a big step back and realize that this week. He spends so much time trying to make sure we have a roof over our heads and I guess I took him for granted. We are both tired from hard days. It was not fair for me to dump the kids off in his lap at all. We just need to work on balancing duties.... maybe that includes me making some income for the household in some way too.
So, just like that, a new chapter in our lives is opening,and the old one closing. It has been nice to be a stay at home mom in some ways, a prison sentence in others. Maybe I can regain some sanity... I fear now though that I wont even know how to have a conversation with another adult. Can I survive without my daily dose of Nick Jr.? So, maybe I can find a way to be a MOSTLY stay at home mom...